Ask Dame

Advice on sex and relationships from Dame Products’ clinical board member, sex therapist, Dr. Holly Richmond. 


Q: I want to spice things up in the bedroom. Is there a right way to introduce toys to my partner?—Feeling Playful

A: The first step is communicating with your partner about your interests, and then inquiring about theirs. Leading with curiosity, rather than a complaint, is usually an ideal way to begin and helps your partner stay present and open instead of getting shut down and defensive. For example, if you say something like, “I’m interested in bringing some toys in the bedroom, just to spice things up a bit. I love _______ about our sex life but think adding a toy could make it even more fun. I’m curious what you think.” There’s no one right or best introductory toy for everyone—everybody is different, and it’s really about figuring out what you like. You may love vaginal penetration, which means finding an insertable toy, but your partner might prefer clitoral stimulation or anal play, in which case you’ll be exploring vibrators or anal plugs, perhaps. Couples’ vibrators are also a great option because they allow you to experience a mutual pleasure. Oftentimes people get really excited from seeing their partner experience pleasure, so this checks all the boxes. Things to look for in a couples’ vibrator include a product that is easy to use, comfortable, and stays in place. Dame’s Eva is a great hands-free vibe that stays exactly where it should, so your hands are able to offer other sensations to usher in even more pleasure!  


Q: How can I explore my G spot with a vibrator?—New Sensations

 A: Before any exploration begins, it’s important to create arousal—or even better—use some lube to ensure you won’t experience discomfort due to dryness. I often advise my clients to begin G spot exploration with their fingers rather than a toy, just so they have a chance to properly locate it and gently try different types of touch. The G spot is located approximately two to three inches up, towards your belly button, on the anterior vaginal wall. It will feel like a dime-sized rough spot, like the roof of your mouth. For some people with vaginas, stimulating this spot feels great and can even lead to intense pleasure, but for others, it doesn’t offer pleasure and can actually make them feel like they need to urinate. Both of these experiences with the G spot are entirely normal! If you like G-spot play, go for it. If not, there is certainly no shame in saying, “Thanks, but that’s not for me.” If you love G-spot stimulation, finding a toy—either a vibrator or dildo—that is curved so it more easily hits that anterior wall of the vagina is ideal. Dame’s Arc reaches all the right spots. 


Q: I have super sensitive skin that can easily be irritated. What should I look for when choosing a new lube?—Touchy Subject

A: For sensitive skin, it’s important to stick with natural, preferably organic, ingredients. Dame’s Aloe Lube is a great option. Everyone’s skin is different, so figuring out whether you prefer silicone-based or water-based lube, or something entirely natural like coconut oil, is a purely personal choice. However, depending on what lube works for you, you’ll need to see if it is compatible with condoms. Some products can break down the material the condoms are made from, which of course defeats the purpose!